Let’s talk about PRESSURE!  Can’t you just feel it?  All of the demands add up and the weight of the world is precariously balanced on your shoulders.  In NARM we do something that can rub the wrong way at first.  All of the things (nouns) that seem like they’re being done TO us (like shame, pressure, and judgement), we turn them into reflexive verbs.  For example, “I just feel so much pressure to perform,” becomes, “I am pressuring myself so relentlessly to perform.”  This can be a bitter pill, but eventually, using this language trains us to relate to it differently, with more freedom and agency.  While other people do, in fact, pressure us, we only feel pressured when we hop on board and use that pressure to pressure ourselves.  More often than not, what feels like it’s coming from the outside, is actually coming from the inside.  The ways we pressure ourselves are innumerable and can be super sneaky (including pressuring ourselves when we pressure ourselves).  When we begin to see this in action, we have the opportunity to discover that, as adults, it doesn’t really help.  Many of us developed the belief that we won’t do/accomplish/learn anything without crushing self-pressure and efforting.  This turns out not to be true.  But don’t take my word for it.  With some exploration (best with the interpersonal support of a practitioner), people usually discover that their most engaged moments (read: connecting, learning, growing, accomplishing) occur when they are allowing themselves to discover the way forward with inner guidance rather than compulsively trying to do it all.

A few questions about PRESSURE…

What’s the worst thing that will happen if you don’t keep all of the plates in the air spinning?

Are you telling yourself you should be “better” than you believe yourself to be?

Do you struggle with keeping up with your commitments/have difficulty saying “no” to new commitments?

Please be gentle with yourself!  This is a deeply ingrained pattern that has its roots in how we had to relate to ourselves to get our childhood needs met.  It can feel very scary to relinquish this impulse.  It involves growing a sense of trust in your own authentic knowing and timing.  That trust grows when we begin to be trustworthy with ourselves (as in protecting our own time and space and capacity to be present).